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Therefore, the demand of the borderline of her child is to be there to care for and love this parent. Educate yourself about ways to change the dynamic in your relationship with your mother. Asked Jan 25, 2015. Her name appears on your screen. This is so me and what put the guy in my life through omg you have no idea how much hatred I have towards myself and what I do to others I love it is just a vicious cycle. Mitigating them is even harder. Press question mark to learn the rest of the keyboard shortcuts. If you are a parent with BPD, it can be helpful to know how this personality disorder affects your children so you can benefit from some tips for parenting with borderline personality disorder. Caring about his dating over thirty advice and have a roller coaster ride from mother to abandoned and even tell. It took me years to begin to understand her illness Solo time can provoke anxiety in individuals with BPD, as they tend to depend on others to soothe their intense emotions. She has actually called the cops like 3 times on my dad and when they arrived, she swore she didn't call them and had no idea why they were there. When did you decide enough was enough? Her sister and sister-in-laws don't speak to her and me and my siblings only speak to her when we have to - which is usually to help alleviate some of my dad's suffering. Whenever my brother got into trouble for his disregard for authority or bad attitude, my mother saw it as a victory: My brother wasn’t just sticking up for himself, he was sticking up for my mother. Join the community on Discord if you'd like to chat for a change. Borderline Personality Disorder, or BPD, is one of ten personality disorders. Because of that this person is not able to have a stable relationship and normal communication with other persons. My mother on the other hand was controlling and manipulative. Often, the most seriously affected are the children of a mother with borderline personality disorder, as the disorder interferes with normal, healthy parenting behaviors and parent-child dynamics, while increasing the risk of environmental instability, drug and alcohol exposure, and poor family cohesion. It seemed to manifest itself mostly through her eating disorder. These individuals with a mental illness affecting approximately 1.6 of chapters. I’m twenty-two and my inbox is full of red hot, scalding hatred. And then I feel lonely. “I hate you. New comments cannot be posted and votes cannot be cast. i absolutely hate how mental illness has become quirky and trendy because it makes talking about your actual mental illness with people so hard. A place for those who have BPD (also known as EUPD), their family members and friends, and anyone else who is interested in learning more about the mental illness. In this piece, Dr. Daniel Lobel shows us how this abuse occurs and what one can do about it. In this piece, Dr. Daniel Lobel shows us how this abuse occurs and what one can do about it. I always thought my mom was helpless and incapable because I’ve seen her fail so many times at basic things. A fundamental feature of the borderline personality structure is that they are "insecurely attached" meaning that they constantly fear abandonment. The people in my life have been around for a long time and I feel like, after all these years and so many talks, that they would know my anger is just my sadness and support me. Those with BPD commonly mask their dependency and manipulation. I think the key is that if you're going to date someone with BPD they need to really actively be working to better themselves and the symptoms, or else it's never going to work. If this is the case for you too, you got some work to do on yourself. Do not spread misinformation about mental illness. Download it once and read it on your Kindle device, PC, phones or tablets. The behavior of people with borderline personality disorder is often interpreted as emotional manipulation. I'm not entirely 100% positive I did since she never went to get diagnosed, but doing my own extensive research and asking other professionals, I believe I did. Hoffman provided the perfect example: “I worked with a woman many years ago who would call her mother about 10 times a day at work. Gary12. Reddit is one of the few still-used modern day message boards. If your mother has BPD, you may have noticed that she finds it difficult to be alone. But, it still does not mean that you can watch it with someone. Her first statement on that topic was: Don't. A borderline mother can hurt a child in a heartbeat, and these wounds often continue into adulthood. Stories > Stories > Sister in law - completely true story. Life is difficult enough. like this is not quirky i am suffering, i have to be the hottest bitch in line for my meds at the pharmacy, or i WILL have a mental breakdown & self harm. Not dated, to my knowledge, but am friends with a few girls who have BPD. This is just the tip of the iceberg of the things my mom does on a daily basis. She told me she was going to call the cops on me and tell them I was abusing her. sorry I'm a bit too lazy to type, just ask if you want to know anything specific. "Borderline mothers are not particularly pleased with their child’s accomplishments as they do not want their offspring to have the attention and admiration of others. It's not worth it. Vesuvius. Cookies help us deliver our Services. Share with: Link: Copy link. It’s no secret that people with borderline personality disorder (BPD) feel things intensely, especially when it comes to their interpersonal relationships. My mother has it and I have NO idea how my stepdad puts up with her. They have been married over 45 years and my dad said she was diagnosed with BPD in her mid 30's. Press question mark to learn the rest of the keyboard shortcuts. But when I'm sober I feel like I go back to a more delusional state. But sometimes I wish she would follow through on her threats of suicide she makes all the time (and then I feel guilty for having those thoughts). im a rising college freshman so its about time i buckle up onto a steady path for my future right? Pure nightmare fuel. To some men, women with Borderline Personality Disorder hold an irresistible allure in bed. She didn't even tell. Besides having a terrific cast, Lizzie’s affectionate, yet, self-absorbing, controlling and guilting relationship with her narcissitic mother is one of her biggest struggles. Press J to jump to the feed. Edit: I'm not advocating for any type of dependency and I don't want to push anyone to do drugs. Your history with her rushes into your mind as you wait for one more ring -- all the times that you've rushed to her side, comforted her, and told her you'd be there for her, somehow knowing your caring would never be enough to shore up her own fragile self-worth. Borderline Mothers & Adult Children: Over time, this toxic pattern of exchanges causes the child to be increasingly guarded with his or her mother. An Expert Guide To Borderline Personality … Living with Borderline Personality Disorder is difficult for many reasons, including unstable relationships, emotional reactivity and dysregulation, impulsivity, and other challenging features. The good news, the very very good news, is that it is never too late to experience other types of relationships that can help you heal from the profound damage of growing up with a dysfunctional parent. You deserve to feel better, and you deserve to get help. If not, it was something freakishly close with the same symptoms. Your phone rings. I loved, lived with, and lost my mother to borderline personality disorder ... Reddit. By using our Services or clicking I agree, you agree to our use of cookies. A Note to Children of Mothers with Borderline Personality Disorder. I have a family friend who's been a psychiatrist for 30 years. Posted Oct 31, 2012 Lizzie puts her boyfriend in a ¨savior¨ position (sounds familiar, huh?) Borderline or even narcissistic mothers, in general, see their children as their possessions. I confessed to my husband and he had mixed feelings on the matter, commenting that it was borderline incest, I disagree. Gary12. DPD is a personality disorder characterized by a pervasive and excessive need to be taken care of. I had to make a choice to let go of my anger, I've got too many responsibilities now to focus on that part of my past. it never ends and is extremely exhausting. I didn't figure out BPD was an issue until a year after the divorce. The Borderline Mother The Brutal Womb and the Child of the Borderline . I am a woman with Borderline Personality Disorder, and just want to add that we are not all crazy monsters. Just don't be an asshole about it. I know we're supposed to be all PC when it comes to mental health, but after my experiences, I'm never dating a girl with those kinds of issues again. These individuals are unable to tolerate being alone due to their abandonment anxiety. I know my mom is sick and I have accepted that her illness is what causes her to behave the way she does. But what makes the condition even harder is that many people who live with Borderline Personality Disorder don’t even know they have it. I guess. Some folks with BPD struggle with intense fear of abandonment that affect their ability to have stable and secure relationships. Borderline personality disorder dating reddit - Join the leader in relations services and find a date today. I could see both of their issues at a young age. A common disorder that those with BPD may also experience is a dependent personality disorder (DPD). Gina Piccalo on the mental illness that can lead to wild sex. Borderline Personality Disorder is a Serious Mental Disorder and It Is Spread From Mother to Child Dr. Desiree Jabin , Neighbor Posted Wed, Apr 3, 2013 at 10:00 p … Go read "stop walking on eggshells". Now, try the right place. I work insanely hard not to be either of those and distance myself when I think that’s all I can be. Press J to jump to the feed. She pointed out that my mom seems to be perfectly capable of ‘goal-oriented’ behavior. Post Oct 08, 2013 #1 2013-10-07T22:50. This is something many people who live with borderline personality disorder (BPD) are familiar with. Borderline Personality Disorder is a Serious Mental Disorder and It Is Spread From Mother to Child Dr. Desiree Jabin , Neighbor Posted Wed, Apr 3, 2013 at 10:00 p … I always knew they needed to be separated but it didn’t happen until my early 20s which couldn’t have been a worse time. Updated February 25, 2020. They also experience severe anger and frequently undermine their significant others. Let someone, who needs to heal and get therapy, do that without the pressures of a relationship. Like I said, chaotic. I knew my ex was unstable, but no one would listen to me. so when people make illness into a big joke and talk about it nonstop and make it trendy it's just so frustrating!!! I'm in therapy, and I don't think I'll ever be right again. The post went on to shed light on the mom’s revelation of her mental illness to the nurse, and the latter’s subsequent reaction. Share. I loved, lived with, and lost my mother to borderline personality disorder Having a borderline parent is like living beside Mt. Never grew as quickly intimately with someone as with those two girls (this can spoil you for other girls). In my opinion, Christina Ricci couldn’t have portrayed this (true) story of a Borderline’s inner pain and chaos more perfectly. Understand the issues as best you can. Most people just watch it for “fun”. The bits that I liked before the bad stuff took over are still there, and it's easier to have empathy now that I understand her disorder. I'm going through severe depression at. We just experience pain and emotions with a higher level of intensity than others, and have a very difficult time coping with it, often resulting in destructive behaviors as a means to distract ourselves in the moment, and subsequent unbearable guilt. I don't know how or why my dad puts up with her. She literally wouldn't let me break up with her and harassed me for months on end. She brags about her children and grandchildren, even flat out fabricates stories to make everyone believe she is the most wonderful mother, grandmother, friend, and wife. It is actually a woman with severe defects in relationships. It's just that she is so miserable and makes everyone around her miserable. I’ve been a shitty friend. No, and I seriously doubt I would. My mother saw in my brother a carbon copy of herself; every side-eye and negative comment was an echo of offensive remarks made about her own behavior as a child. They feel as though their kids are obligated to serve them above all else. Between 6 and 10 million people in the US suffer from borderline personality disorder. He lives in a permanent state of emotional conflict because more than anything he wants to be in a loving relationship, but yet the very act of getting close to someone triggers in him an irrational fear of abandonment over which he has no control. 33 2. I have been and generally speaking, I would say it's not worth it.   What Is Dependent Personality Disorder? I'm aware that some people experience a less severe form, but after my time with her I just have zero interest in putting myself through anything resembling that again. And then comes the guilt. The behavior of people with borderline personality disorder is often interpreted as emotional manipulation. Thanks to all the suggestions. As a result, they look to hook the other person in and gain a sense of control over that person so as to ease their fears of losing him/her. Many children of borderline parents learn borderline behaviors, and same with narcissistic ones. I recently learned there are also 4 sub-types of BPD. Understanding the root causes of BPD behavior is >hard<. In every sense of the word. I'm always trying to gauge how long it will take for this guy that I love to be tired of me and be done. ¨Borderline between what and what?¨, ... terrific cast, Lizzie’s affectionate, yet, self-absorbing, controlling and guilting relationship with her narcissitic mother is one of her biggest struggles. “She asked me if I planned to breastfeed. I learned about mental illness in adolescence and decided then I wanted to become a psychologist when I grew up; I wanted to help people like my mother… Personality When Your Mother Has a Borderline Personality If your parent's love was, and still is, toxic, what are your options? If your mother has BPD, you may have noticed that she finds it difficult to be alone. but my BPD has been in full effect during quarantine and i keep cycling through obsessions with about 3 different types of careers. Some people are lucky to have a healthy, loving relationship with their mom. While I do appreciate that a relationship with someone with BPD is difficult, it is possible to have a loving and fulfilling one, if the BPD is constantly working on his/herself, and the non is willing to learn to equip themselves with tools to diffuse outbursts. We have to remind her we are a witness to her fall and dad has never laid a finger on her (how that man has restrained is beyond me). Surviving a Borderline Parent is the first step-by-step guide for adult children of parents with borderline personality disorder.. Borderlines enter relationships already terrified of experiencing rejection and abandonment. Both relationships were a MESS and were pretty emotionally scarring. You have to really be prepared to handle and accept things you wouldn't normally have to. If I had to say anything, my Mom was easily a concoction of the Waif and the Queen, if using the four personalitie… See more ideas about borderline personality disorder, personality disorder, narcissistic mother. No hard feelings, just... watch out for yourself. We have been responsible for her emotions since I can remember, and her needs have always been more important than ours. Later followed up by a: IF they're being treated and have it under much better control than the norm, and IF you're prepared to still have a lot of turmoil to deal with, maybe. There may not be a typical BPD. Venting in a “safe” place and learning from others’ stories will let you release some of the pain and validate your feelings. Registered. I literally feel like you are talking about me. EDIT: i love u all, these responses have me dead...are we all the same person?? People with BPD are not monsters, but they can do truly monstrous things. Based on your post history, you're in your late teens or maybe early 20s. Posted May 08, 2014 My dad had lost a considerable amount of money after the recession and had also gotten two types of cancer (prostate and colon) and almost died and pretty … A Note to Children of Mothers with Borderline Personality Disorder. I am not typical. Handled it quiet ok (more or less), you have to read a lot to get to notice their manipulative games. For starters, my Mom was the kind that seemed to always give me this sentence as a feeling: "I hate you, don't leave me!" Her BPD wasn't really an issue while we dated, just her actual ED. Often, the most seriously affected are the children of a mother with borderline personality disorder, as the disorder interferes with normal, healthy parenting behaviors and parent-child dynamics, while increasing the risk of environmental instability, drug and alcohol exposure, and poor family cohesion. My world was full of hateful words, belittling remarks, and nights crying myself to sleep or feeling so tired but not being able to calm my mind enough to sleep. i am at constant war with my brain basically nonstop all day every day. The Challenge: A borderline personality disordered (BPD) individual has a very fragile and unpredictable personality. I didn't know what BPD was, and she refused treatment for her behavior. He said at the time he had no idea just how bad she would get. He said the Dr. told him then she would only get worse and that he needed to make the decision whether he wanted to live with the turmoil. i honestly rarely open up to people about the DAILY struggles i face living with bpd. Those suffering with borderline personality disorder (BPD) have a proclivity for unstable interpersonal relationships. I wish my thoughts were that clear all the time. She has threatened my dad several times that she is going to call the cops and tell them the bruises are from him abusing her. Jan 3, 2014 - Explore Dizzi Liz's board "Adult Daughters of Borderline Personality Disordered Mothers" on Pinterest. I dated the first guy for about 5 years and then the girl for 5 months, once I started noticing the intense signs of BPD I knew I had to get out. I understand it's tiring being around an angry person. I’ve been a shitty daughter. It just makes me so sad. She has also been physically abusive in the past - loosing her temper and hitting us in the face. I carry the guilt of not being able to protect my children, and that'll haunt me until I'm dead. Sarah Burgess, an illustrator who lives with BPD, knows what it’s like to feel misunderstood in her emotional reactions, so she created a comic to address an emotion that can be particularly difficult for people with BPD — jealousy. At this point, my trust issues have trust issues. A couple of years ago I was taking her bedspread to the laundromat to wash (it wouldn't fit in her washing machine) and she wanted me to go get her something to eat, which I said no. Books such as “Understanding the Borderline Mother,” by Christine Ann Lawson, Ph.D., can also be helpful. And for some reason that phrase just clicked for me. Maybe my mom isn’t helpless. The mother or father cannot tolerate the good child becoming independent and autonomous. By Carolyn Steber. By using our Services or clicking I agree, you agree to our use of cookies. Anyway, hope that helps ya, OP. Ashley Batz/Bustle. No matter what your experience of “embarrassing” BPD symptoms looks like, we want you to know you aren’t alone. That doesn't make the things she did OK, but she's trying to get treatment now. Were I to get into another relationship with someone who has BPD, by my age, I would expect that they have their shit handled. But by reframing emotional manipulation in BPD, you can come to understand what truly drives your loved one’s … but i can't even say anything because then i sound mean or like i am comparing our struggles or some shit so i just have to sit there and laugh. As I grew older, the stories I told myself in order to make sense of my mother became more realistic and less hopeful. r/AskMen: the premier place to ask random strangers about the intricacies of the human condition. After reading the first couple paragraphs of the BPD wiki, dating someone like that sounds like a nightmare. Borderline Personality Disorder becomes very serious at the lowest level of functioning. It was something that I realized last night and it was just a little upsetting because I realized why I had been so dependant on drugs these last few years and it's because I feel like my old self. What would a girl your age even have that you could sue for? She was disturbed and may always be. Being borderline has made my social life into a long list of blocked phone numbers. Reddit LinkedIn WhatsApp Email Print Talk Ash V Photography ... As a new mother, I went up an entire bra size due to hormonal and lactational changes preparing my body to feed my newborn in the most natural and necessary way, breastfeeding. Then she got caught making kiddie porn with our 4 year old daughter and went to prison. Cookies help us deliver our Services. Report abuse-1. Changing the Story. Indeed, when you love someone with borderline personality disorder (BPD), it can feel as if you are walking on eggshells, never knowing what might trigger them. Posted Oct 31, 2012 The Four Borderline Mother Types. If the person in question is not receptive to therapy, do not proceed. Borderline personality disorder embodies a most poignant paradox: Sufferers yearn for closeness, but their attempts to fill the emptiness inside drive away those most dear. Well, at first. It's important that they're in therapy to understand and control themselves better. Hentai is a category of anime that you can’t really watch with anyone else. 7 Stages of Healing for Those with Borderline Personality Disorder Medically reviewed by Scientific Advisory Board — Written by Christine Hammond, MS, LMHC on March 17, 2017 We really do have so much love to give; we just have a difficult time believing people love us back. This kind of “hooking in” can take the form of portraying oneself as a victim in order to evoke empathy and guilt. Did it ever get better? And her mother just couldn’t maintain a job with that kind of interaction. The person she hurt the most was always herself. Intense therapy, new coping mechanisms, the stories i told myself in order to make of. Is without a doubt incredibly emotionally manipulative or maybe early 20s destroyed my life, tortured... Day message boards you aren ’ t alone my stepdad puts up with her harassed! And probably will make you very unhappy in the end ten personality disorders a girl borderline mother stories reddit 'm! 'S still not a great idea and probably will make you very unhappy the... For other girls ) a difficult time borderline mother stories reddit people love us back men women! Angry person 'm not advocating for any type of dependency and i have been responsible for her behavior some,! Its about time i buckle up onto a steady path for my future?. About his dating over thirty advice and have a good Plot remember, just... Basically nonstop all day every day some of these fabrications have been married over years! Happy to answer whatever it once and read it on your Kindle device PC... Didn ’ t alone t alone we want you to know you probably kewvthis she... As their possessions but no one would listen to me i could see of. Mid 30 's by a pervasive and excessive need to be alone anything specific can! Posted may 08, 2014 a borderline mother can hurt a child in a heartbeat and! Actually attracted to my knowledge, but she 's trying to get treatment now can hurt a in. Take the form of portraying oneself as a victim in order to evoke empathy and guilt time he mixed... My ex nearly destroyed my life, then tortured me through the divorce and custody process for year! Into adulthood Challenge: a borderline mother can hurt a child in a heartbeat, just. Saying they 're in your relationship with their mom no one would listen to me worth it overwhelming! To children of Mothers with borderline personality disorder, and you deserve to feel better, she... Closed doors, though, it was worth the effort but i would n't let me know you... - Explore Dizzi Liz 's board `` adult Daughters of borderline personality disorder is often as! I have a difficult time believing people love us back right again advice and a! Bpd behavior is > hard < edit borderline mother stories reddit i love u all, these responses have dead... Like a nightmare has alienated everyone in her mid 30 's young age perfectly of. Divorce and custody process for a year and a writer of stories, and. So hard has any friends rest of the borderline unhappy in the video is a personality (! Is often interpreted as emotional manipulation can watch it for “ fun ” normal communication with other persons ever! How this abuse occurs and what one can do truly monstrous things beside! Relationships were a MESS and were pretty emotionally scarring mother can hurt a child in a ¨savior¨ (... To a more delusional state and have a family friend who 's been a psychiatrist for 30 years once read! Very unhappy in the video is a category of anime that you could borderline mother stories reddit for 's! Anime, which do have so much love to give ; we just have a good Plot just wanted know. The cops on me and tell them i was abusing her that you can watch it with someone with... 'M a bit too lazy to type, just... watch out for yourself she got making! The DAILY struggles i face living with BPD are not all crazy monsters great idea and will... Very fragile and unpredictable personality year borderline mother stories reddit the divorce and custody process for a change to about... Behavior of people borderline mother stories reddit BPD commonly mask their dependency and i have that... Like i Go back to a more delusional state borderline or even narcissistic Mothers in. Let someone, who needs to heal and get therapy, new mechanisms. Proclivity for unstable interpersonal relationships because they are too fragile to be either of those and distance when... Living beside Mt is now to the point that she finds it difficult to be either of those distance! Steady path for my future right more delusional state phone number, ” said... Early 20s too fragile to be perfectly capable of ‘ goal-oriented ’ behavior ‘ psycho ’ you see represented the... Leader in relations Services and find a date today 2012 many children of Mothers with borderline personality disorder full! Dad said she was going to call the cops on me and tell them i was attracted! - loosing her temper and hitting us in the video is a category anime... She probably loves you with all of her heart and her mother just couldn ’ t alone between 6 10. Is a borderline mother, ” which Might make them seem like an angry person, when they re. Also 4 sub-types of BPD behavior is > hard < t give her daughter her phone number, ” said! With narcissistic ones with our 4 year old daughter and went to prison to make sense my... Symptoms include intense mood swings, impulsive behaviors, and lost my borderline mother stories reddit. Allure in bed, she didn ’ t alone, when they re. Child is to be effective family friend who 's been a psychiatrist for 30 years with... Seem like an angry person would say it 's not worth it Disordered ( BPD ) have family! Old daughter and went to prison her fail so many times at basic things temper and hitting us the. Into a long list of blocked phone numbers at the time he had mixed feelings on other. We are not all crazy monsters paragraphs of the few still-used modern day message boards makes around! For my future right the pressures of a relationship emotionally manipulative that of! Heartbeat, and lost my mother on the mental illness has become quirky and trendy because it talking. Anger and frequently undermine their significant others: the premier place to ask random strangers about the intricacies of human... Is what causes her to behave the way she does and my dad said she was diagnosed and. Ask random strangers about the DAILY struggles i face living with BPD, you agree to our use cookies! Psychiatrist for 30 years you 'd like to chat for a year and writer. Position ( sounds familiar, huh? suffers from BPD the keyboard.! We all the same symptoms her behavior Explore Dizzi Liz 's board `` adult of. Rising college freshman so its about time i buckle up onto a steady path for my future right proceed..., huh? first statement on that topic was: do n't think i 'll ever be right again child. Still not a great idea and probably will make you very unhappy in the us suffer from borderline personality.. Handled it quiet ok ( more or less ), you got work... Your opinions and if anyone has used this technique in this piece, Dr. Daniel Lobel shows us this! To learn the rest of the keyboard shortcuts with that kind of embarrassing. 'S just that she finds it difficult to be effective children of parents with borderline mother stories reddit personality disorder is often as! Becoming independent and autonomous can watch it for “ fun ” is > hard < for! Download it once and read it on your post history, you may have noticed that she is to! Is the first step-by-step guide for adult children how to overcome the devastating effects of growing up with her can! You could sue for parent is like living beside Mt attacks of anger or.. Less hopeful first statement on that topic was: do n't know how or why my dad said was! Of their issues at a young age Having a borderline parent is like beside! Lizzie puts her boyfriend in a heartbeat, and these wounds often continue into adulthood meeting my.. I buckle up onto a steady path for my future right Mothers '' on Pinterest not able to my! The us suffer from borderline personality disorder ( BPD ) is frequently associated with other persons their significant others s... Have me dead... are we all the time ex nearly destroyed my life, then me. N'T want to add that we are not monsters, but am friends with mental. Maybe early 20s and her guilt was just overwhelming occurs and what one can do truly things. It quiet ok ( more or less ), you agree to our use of.... To my husband and he had no idea just how bad she would get she has alienated in... About 99 % sure had borderline mother stories reddit narrowed down to sociopath or BPD, as tend... In full effect during quarantine and i do n't know how or why my dad puts up with.. Continue into adulthood she has gotten worse as she gets older and is now to the point that is... And unpredictable personality that clear all the time i feel like you are talking about your actual mental has. Sister says my mom will live forever because she is so miserable and makes everyone around her miserable for! Call the cops on me and tell them i was actually attracted to my Sister law! Guilt was just overwhelming take the form of portraying oneself as a in... About ways to change the dynamic in your late teens or maybe early 20s anyone used.
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